


Good God, Ya'll!

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [84]
Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 22:22:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11194644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: Hunta Rufus Turner calls up in Bobby, Sam, n' Dean ta deal wit a thugged-out demon infestation up in his cold-ass hood yo, but they soon discover tha real deal is much mo' horrifying. Meanwhile, Castiel goes ta seek tha only entitizzle dat can defeat Lucifer.





	1. Chapter 1

_INT yo. HOSPITAL – DAY_

BOBBY, bustin a funky-ass bathrobe n' bizzle cap, sits up in a wheelchair n' stares up tha window. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM watches his ass from tha doorway. DEAN arrives wit a manila envelope up in hand.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but been like three minutes now?

SAM sighs.

 **DEAN  
** We gots ta cheer his ass up. Maybe I be bout ta give his ass a funky-ass backrub.

 **SAM  
** Dean.

 **DEAN  
** Well, what, then?

 **SAM  
** Look...we might gotta wrap our headz round tha scam dat Bobby might not just bounce back dis time.

A pause. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM looks all up in tha envelope, which say "X-RAY".

 **SAM  
** Whatz up in tha envelope?

 **DEAN  
** Went ta radiology.

DEAN opens tha envelope n' pulls up tha contents.

 **DEAN  
** Got some glamour shots.

DEAN handz SAM tha contentz of tha envelope, a cold-ass lil chest X-ray wit strange freestylin on tha ribs.

 **DEAN  
** Letz just say tha doctors is baffled.

SAM examines tha writing, which is up in Enochian.

 **SAM  
** Holy crap.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, well, Cas carved you one, like a muthafucka.

SAMz beeper rings yo. Dude lyrics.

 **SAM  
** Hello, biatch? ...Castiel?

 **DEAN  
** Speak of tha devil.

 **SAM  
** Ah, St. Martinz Hospitizzle. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Why, biatch? What is you—Cas?

SAM hangs up.

A WOMAN up in scrubs n' a MAN up in a white lab coat rush past wit a piece of shiznit on a cold-ass lil cart.

 **VOICE ON PA  
** Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Cohen ta tha ER, stat. Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Cohen ta tha ER, stat.

CASTIEL strutts past dem n' other passersby n' stops at DEAN n' SAM.

 **DEAN  
** Beeper, Cas, biatch? Fo' realz, biatch? Since when do angels need ta reach up n' bust a nut on one of mah thugs?

 **CASTIEL  
** Yo ass is hidden from angels now—all angels. I won't be able ta simply—

 **BOBBY  
** Enough foreplay.

DEAN, SAM, n' CASTIEL look over at his muthafuckin ass.

 **BOBBY  
** Git over here n' lay yo' damn handz on.

No one moves. BOBBY looks over his shoulder.

 **BOBBY  
** Git healing. Now.

 **CASTIEL  
** I can't.

BOBBY turns his chair ta grill CASTIEL.

 **BOBBY  
** Say again?

CASTIEL strutts up ta BOBBY.

 **CASTIEL  
** I be cut off from heaven n' much of heavenz juice n' shit. Certain thangs I can do. Certain thangs I can't.

 **BOBBY  
** Yo ass is spittin some lyrics ta me you lost yo' mojo just up in time ta git me stuck up in dis trap tha rest of mah game?

 **CASTIEL  
** I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **BOBBY  
** Shove it up yo' ass.

BOBBY turns back ta tha window. DEAN turns ta SAM.

 **DEAN  
** At least he poppin' off now, nahmeean?

 **BOBBY  
** I heard that.

CASTIEL comes back ta DEAN n' SAM.

 **CASTIEL  
** I aint gots much time. We need ta talk.

 **DEAN  
** Okay.

 **CASTIEL  
** Yo crazy-ass plan ta bust a cap up in Lucifer.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Yo ass wanna help?

 **CASTIEL  
** No. It aint nuthin but foolish. Well shiiiit, it can't be done.

 **DEAN  
** Oh. Thanks fo' tha support.

 **CASTIEL  
** But I believe I have tha solution. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. There is one of mah thugs besides Mike phat enough ta take on Lucifer n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Strong enough ta stop tha apocalypse.

 **SAM  
** Whoz that?

 **CASTIEL  
** Da one whoz ass resurrected mah crazy ass n' put you on dat airplane. Da one whoz ass fuckin started every last muthafuckin thang. Dogg.

SAM n' DEAN look skeptical.

 **CASTIEL  
** I'ma find Dogg.


	2. Chapter 2

**_HOSPITAL_ **

_INT yo. HOSPITAL – DAY_

DEAN closes tha hospitizzle room door n' turns back ta CASTIEL.

 **DEAN  
** God?

 **CASTIEL  
** Yes yes y'all.

 **DEAN  
** God.

 **CASTIEL  
** Yes muthafucka! Dude aint up in heaven. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude has ta be somewhere.

 **DEAN  
** Try New Mexico. I hear he on a tortilla.

 **CASTIEL  
** Fuck dat shit, he not on any flatbread.

 **DEAN  
** Listen, Chuckles, even if there be a God, he is either dead—and thatz tha generous theory—

 **CASTIEL  
** Dude is up there, Dean.

 **DEAN  
** —or he up n' kickin n' don't give a ratz ass bout any of us.

CASTIEL glares.

 **DEAN  
** I mean, look round you, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da ghetto is up in tha toilet. We is literally at tha end of minutes here, n' he off somewhere drankin booze outta a cold-ass lil coconut fo' realz. All right?

 **CASTIEL  
** Enough. This aint a theological issue. It aint nuthin but strategic. With Godz help, we can win.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but a pipe dream, Cas.

CASTIEL advances on DEAN.

 **CASTIEL  
** I capped two angels dis week. My fuckin brothers. I be hunted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. I rebelled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And I done did it, all of it, fo' you, n' you failed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass n' yo' brutha fucked wit tha ghetto—

SAM looks down.

 **CASTIEL  
** —and I lost every last muthafuckin thang, fo' nothing. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So keep yo' opinions ta yo ass.

 **BOBBY  
** Yo ass didn't drop up in just ta tear our asses a freshly smoked up hole. What tha fuck iz it you want?

 **CASTIEL  
** I did come fo' somethang fo' realz. An amulet.

 **BOBBY  
** An amulet, biatch? What kind?

 **CASTIEL  
** Straight-up rare. Straight-up powerful. It burns bangin' up in Godz presence. It'll help me find his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** A Dogg EMF?

CASTIEL nods.

 **BOBBY  
** Well, I don't give a fuck what tha fuck you poppin' off about. I gots not a god damn thang like dat n' like dis n' like dat y'all.

 **CASTIEL  
** I know. Yo ass don't.

CASTIEL looks at DEAN, then drops his wild lil' freakadelic gaze ta DEANz amulet, n' back up.

 **DEAN  
** What, this?

 **CASTIEL  
** May I borrow it?

 **DEAN  
** No.

 **CASTIEL  
** Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Give it ta mah dirty ass.

DEAN is silent, realizin CASTIEL is serious, then thankin it over n' shiznit yo. Dude takes off tha amulet.

 **DEAN  
** All right, I guess.

DEAN holdz it out, then pulls back when CASTIEL reaches fo' dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Don't lose dat shit.

CASTIEL takes dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Great. Now I feel naked.

 **CASTIEL  
** I be bout ta be up in touch.

DEAN nods, then glances at SAM, then back. CASTIEL is gone. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM sighs.

 **BOBBY  
** When you find God, tell his ass ta bust legs!

**_PHONE CONVERSATION_ **

_EXT. GAS STATION – DAY_

A glock fires. RUFUS is holdin tha gun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude fires again n' again n' again n' hurries backwardz ta a YOUNG MAN lyin on tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude drags tha YOUNG MAN ta relatizzle safety behind a silver minivan.

 **RUFUS  
** Yo crazy-ass belt, yo' belt!

Da YOUNG MAN pulls his belt off. RUFUS takes it n' wraps it round tha YOUNG MANz thigh above a funky-ass bleedin injury, a makeshift tourniquet, n' pulls it tight. Da YOUNG MAN yelps.

 **RUFUS  
** Hey. Yo dawwwwg! Hold this.

RUFUS pulls up a funky-ass beeper n' presses speed dial.

 _INT yo. HOSPITAL – DAY_  alternatin wit  _EXT. GAS STATION – DAY_

BOBBYz beeper rings. BOBBY picks it up.

 **BOBBY  
** Hello?

 **RUFUS  
** Bobby. Bobby, damn it, can you hear me son?

 **BOBBY  
** I can't hear you, biatch.

When RUFUS is onscreen, he is clearly audible; when BOBBY is onscreen, RUFUSz voice is staticky n' fades up in n' out.

 **RUFUS  
** Listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I'ma need a lil help here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seems I be up ta mah ass up in demons. Whole damn townz infested. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time yo. Hang on, hang on—

 **BOBBY  
** Where is yo slick ass?

 **RUFUS  
** River Pass, Colorado.

 **BOBBY  
** Colora—Colorado?

 **RUFUS  
** Colorado!

 **BOBBY  
** River Pass, Colorado?

 **RUFUS  
** River Pass!

 **BOBBY  
** Rufus, biatch? Yo ass there, biatch? Ruf—Rufus?

 **RUFUS  
** Bobby, it's—

RUFUS looks up n' spots two DEMONS comin round tha corner of tha church, both black-eyed n' one carryin a axe. RUFUS standz up, locked n loaded ta fire.

Gunshots, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Da call cuts out. BOBBY looks over at SAM n' DEAN.

**_COLORADO_ **

_EXT. MOUNTAINS – DAY_

Da Impala drives past.

_EXT. DIRT ROAD – DAY_

**_River Pass, Colorado_ **

Da Impala drives up, approachin tha camera, which retreats over a funky-ass bridge. Da Impala stops on tha bridge just short of tha part of tha bridge dat aint there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN git up fo' a cold-ass lil closer look. DEAN kicks a rock over tha edge. Well shiiiit, it looks hard as fuck enough ta git a thug across wit any margin of safety; gettin tha hoopty across is ghon be impossible.

 **DEAN  
** This is tha only road up in or out.

SAM pulls up his cell beeper n' holdz it up.

 **SAM  
** No signal.

 **DEAN  
** Rufus was right. Demons gots dis place locked down.

 **SAM  
** Looks like our crazy asses hikin in.

 **DEAN  
** And tha hits just keep on coming.

DEAN n' SAM go round tha Impala. DEAN opens tha trunk.

**_RIVER PASS_ **

Norman Greenbaumz "Spirit up in tha Sky" begins ta play.

_EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET – DAY_

SAM n' DEAN strutt along tha street, carryin glocks n' bags n' scannin tha area. Da near side of tha street has a sportin loot store advertisin ammo, rodz n' reels, n' a thirty cement sale fo' Pioneers Day; tha far side is residential. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. There is no sign of mah playas other than SAM n' DEAN.

A blue two-door sedan is overturned up in tha street.

DEAN notices tha sportin loot store, Big Louie's.

 **MUSIC  
** When I take a thugged-out dirtnap n' they lay me ta rest

DEAN ducks down ta examine tha car.

 **MUSIC**  
Gonna git all up in tha place thatz tha best  
When I lay me down ta die

SAM approaches tha hoopty from tha far side, glock ready.

 **MUSIC  
** Goin' up ta tha spirit up in tha sky

SAM shakes his head: tha carz empty. They straighten up n' move on.

 **MUSIC**  
Goin' up ta tha spirit up in tha sky  
(Spirit up in tha sky)  
Thatz where I'ma go when I die  
(When I die)

A sprinkla is hustlin up in front of one of tha houses: whatever happened ta clear tha area happened fast enough dat no one turned it off.

 **MUSIC**  
When I take a thugged-out dirtnap n' they lay me ta rest  
I'ma git all up in tha place thatz tha best

Therez another hoopty up in tha street, dis one tan n' tha right way up. Da driverz door is open, tha engine is hustlin, n' tha radio is playin "Spirit up in tha Sky".

 **MUSIC**  
Prepare yo ass  
Yo ass know itz a must

SAM n' DEAN approach dis car, glocks ready. It aint nuthin but empty.

 **MUSIC**  
Got ta git a gangbangin' playa up in Jizzy  
So you know dat when you die

SAM turns tha engine off. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Silence falls. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM sighs.

A banner hangs over tha street, welcomin folks ta tha seventy-fifth anniversary of River Pass, Coloradoz Pioneer Days, wit picturez of Grand Marshall Jeremy Wanek n' Rodeo Biatch Lee Lee Laschuk.

They pause at a gleamin red funky-ass Mustang. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM loses interest when da perved-out muthafucka sees itz empty; DEAN admires it fo' a moment n' whistles.

Somethang sparks all up in tha gas station. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da YOUNG MANz blood is still there next ta tha silver minivan.

Da driverz door of a silver four-door standz open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Therez a funky-ass baby strolla next ta tha door n' a pimped out deal of blood up in front of n' leadin away from tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN approach, then scan tha area again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Therez a big-ass hole up in tha silver four-doorz windshield. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They move on.

A glock cocks. DEAN whips around, levelin his shotgun; SAM turns. DEAN lowers tha gun.

 **SAM  
** Ellen?

 **ELLEN  
** Yo muthafucka, thugs.

DEAN glances back at SAM. ELLEN lowers her glock n' strutts closer.

 **DEAN  
** Ellen, what tha fuck tha heckz goin on here?

ELLEN splashes DEAN up in tha grill wit holy wata n' raises her gun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. DEAN closes his wild lil' fuckin eyes fo' a moment, lettin ELLEN peep dat tha wata is neither boilin nor burnin his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** We us.

ELLEN lowers her glock n' strutts between SAM n' DEAN ta tha church.

**_CHURCH_ **

_INT. CHURCH – DAY_

Therez a thugged-out devilz trap drawn inside tha doorway n' a line of salt across tha threshold. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! ELLEN, DEAN, n' SAM all strutt across both wit no problems. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. ELLEN turns back.

 **ELLEN  
** Real glad ta peep you thugs.

ELLEN hugs DEAN, then pulls back n' slaps his muthafuckin ass.

 **ELLEN  
** Da can of whoopass I ought ta open on you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Ow!

 **ELLEN  
** Yo ass can't pick up a phone, biatch? What is you, allergic ta givin me peace of mind, biatch? I gots ta smoke up dat you kickin it from Rufus?

 **DEAN  
** Sorry, Ellen.

 **ELLEN  
** Yeah, you betta be. Yo ass betta put me on speed dial, kid.

 **DEAN  
** Yes, ma'am.

A long pause. ELLEN turns ta lead dem further inside. DEAN glances back at SAM, n' they both follow her down tha stairs.

 **DEAN  
** Whatz goin on, Ellen?

 **ELLEN  
** Mo' than I can handle ridin' solo.

 **SAM  
** How tha fuck nuff demons is there?

 **ELLEN  
** Pretty much tha whole town, minus tha dead playas n' these muthafuckas.

ELLEN stops at a cold-ass lil closed door n' turns back.

 **ELLEN  
** So, dis is it, right, biatch? End times?

DEAN n' SAM glizzle at each other.

 **ELLEN  
** It aint nuthin but gots ta be.

 **SAM  
** Seems like dat shit.

ELLEN knocks on tha door.

 **ELLEN  
** It aint nuthin but mah dirty ass.

Yo, one of mah thugs on tha far side opens a peephole, then opens tha door; dis is AUSTIN. Behind his ass is tha PASTOR, a OLDER WOMAN, a YOUNG MAN (not tha one from earlier) wit his thugged-out arm round a PREGNANT WOMAN, a SHORT-HAIRED MAN, a LONG-BEARDED MAN, a MAN WITH GLASSES (his name is ROGER), a YOUNG WOMAN, n' a SHAGGY-HAIRED MAN; wit SAM, DEAN, n' ELLEN, a total of thirteen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. AUSTIN closes tha door n' standz next ta tha full bookshelf, now visibly holdin a rifle.

 **ELLEN  
** This is Sam n' Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They're huntas yo. Here ta help.

 **AUSTIN  
** Yo ass muthafuckas hip ta dis whole demon thang?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah fo' realz. Is yo slick ass?

 **ROGER  
** My fuckin hoez eyes turned black. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch came all up in mah grill wit a funky-ass brick. Kind of make you embrace tha paranormal.

ROGER brangs his bangin right hand ta his chin, contemplatin his bangin ring. DEAN turns ta ELLEN.

 **DEAN  
** All right, catch our asses up.

 **ELLEN  
** I doubt I know much mo' than you, biatch. Rufus called. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Said da thug was up in hood investigatin omens fo' realz. All of a sudden, tha whole hood was possessed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Me n' Jo was nearby—

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass is hustlin wit Jo?

 **ELLEN  
** Yeah, fo' a while now, nahmeean, biatch? We gots here, n' tha place—well, tha place was like you peep dat shit. Couldn't find Rufus, then me n' Jo gots separated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. I was up lookin when I found you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Don't worry, we'll find her muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Either way, these playas cannot just sit here.

Da PREGNANT WOMAN startles. ROGER fucks wit his bangin ring.

 **SAM  
** We gots ta git dem up now, nahmeean?

 **ELLEN  
** Fuck dat shit, it aint dat easy as fuck . Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I been trying. We already done cooked up a run fo' it once.

 **SAM  
** What happened?

 **ELLEN  
** There used ta be twenty of us.

SAM n' DEAN check tha room: excludin tha three hunters, ten.

 **DEAN  
** Well, there be a three of  _us_  now—

 **ELLEN  
** Yo ass don't give a fuck what tha fuck itz like up there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Demons is everywhere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Us thugs won't be able ta cover everybody.

Da PREGNANT WOMAN is particularly nervous.

 **SAM  
** What if we git mah playas guns?

 **DEAN  
** What, is you gonna arm up baby bump over here?

 **SAM  
** Mo' salt we can fire at once, mo' demons we can keep away.

DEAN glances at him, then over all up in tha PASTOR.

 **DEAN  
** Therez a sportin loot store we passed on Main on tha way in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I bet they gots guns.

DEAN n' SAM drop they bags.

 **SAM  
** All right. Yo ass stay. We bout ta go.

 **ELLEN  
** What about—

 **SAM  
** If Jo n' Rufus is up there, we'll brang dem back.

AUSTIN opens tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN muthafuckin bounce.

 **DEAN  
** Whoa whoa whoa whoa yo. Hold on.

DEAN n' SAM stop all up in tha foot of tha stairs.

 **DEAN  
** Why don't I just go?

 **SAM  
** What, biatch? Alone?

 **DEAN  
** Well, yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Somebodyz gots ta stay here n' start givin dem Shotgun 101.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Ellen.

SAM goes ta go upstairs. DEAN reaches up ta stop his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** No no no. It aint nuthin but gonna go a shitload fasta if you stay n' help, aiiight?

 **SAM  
** While you go git glocks  _and_  salt  _and_  look fo' Jo n' Rufus, biatch? Thatz fuckin wack.

 **DEAN  
** I can handle dat shit.

SAM pauses, realizing.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass don't want me goin up there.

 **DEAN  
** I didn't say that.

 **SAM  
** Around demons.

 **DEAN  
** I didn't say that.

 **SAM  
** Fine, then letz go.

SAM headz up tha stairs.

**_STREET_ **

_EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET – DAY_

**SAM  
** I be bout ta git tha salt. Yo ass git tha guns.

 **DEAN  
** We bout ta go together.

 **SAM  
** Dean, itz right there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Can we at least do dis like professionals?

SAM raises his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' headz fo' tha Quick-Mart all up in tha corner of St. Olaf n' Riverside. DEAN watches his ass go, then headz up in another direction, presumably along one of dem streets ta Big Louiez Sportin Goods.

**_QUICK-MART_ **

_INT. QUICK-MART – DAY_

SAM fills a plastic bag wit canz of rock salt yo. Dude hears tha door chime, pauses, n' standz up. Two black-eyed DEMONS have entered, one carryin a funky-ass basebizzle bat n' tha other a funky-ass backpack. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM ducks n' findz tha mirror ta peep dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAMz shotgun is chillin on top of a row of Campbellz cans yo. Dude reaches fo' it n' draws tha attention of tha DEMON collectin bottlez of water, whoz ass rushes at his muthafuckin ass. They fight, slammin each other tha fuck into shelves. Da DEMON grabs SAM by tha neck.

 **SAM  
** Exorcisamus te, omnis immundus—

SAM clubs tha DEMON wit a cold-ass lil can of rock salt. Da DEMON knocks it outta his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM draws Rubyz knife n' stabs tha DEMON, whoz ass dies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM looks fo' tha other DEMON, whoz ass jumps his ass from behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM stabs his ass all up in tha neck. Da aiiight special effects aint present. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM don't notice, bein mo' horny bout tha blood on tha floor n' on tha blade yo. Dude turns tha blade, watchin tha blood flow, n' runs his cold-ass thumb along tha blade, collectin a lil' bit of blood, n' contemplates that.

Da door chimes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM ducks n' watches tha mirror; itz DEAN, settin down bags.

 **DEAN  
** Sammy?

SAM sighs up in relief n' stands. DEAN comes tha fuck into tha aisle n' sees tha DEMONS dead on tha floor n' tha blood drippin off tha knife.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**_CHURCH_ **

Da SHAGGY-HAIRED MAN n' tha OLDER WOMAN assemble salt shells. ROGER practices loadin a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shotgun.

 **ROGER  
** Okay, all right.

 **ELLEN  
** Roger, hang on a second—

ROGER fumblez n' drops tha shell.

 **ROGER  
** Sorry.

SAM demonstrates loadin a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shotgun fo' tha YOUNG MAN n' tha PREGNANT WOMAN.

 **SAM  
** —then snap it in.

DEAN sets tha booty of a rifle on tha table n' faces AUSTIN.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know yo' way round a glock at all?

AUSTIN expertly disassemblez tha gun.

 **DEAN  
** Hm. Where'd you serve?

 **AUSTIN  
** Fallujah. Two tours. Got back a lil over a year ago. Takes one ta know one. Where'd you serve?

 **DEAN  
** Hell.

AUSTIN snorts, amused.

 **AUSTIN  
** Fuck dat shit, seriously.

 **DEAN  
** Seriously yo. Hell.

SAM is chillin by his dirty ass up in tha corner n' shit. DEAN notices n' comes over.

 **DEAN  
** Hey.

 **SAM  
** Hey.

DEAN sits down.

 **DEAN  
** Whatz wrong?

SAM looks down.

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but just...at tha store. Those demons was possessin teenagers. I mean, I had ta slit some kidz throat.

 **DEAN  
** Come on, Sam, you had to.

 **SAM  
** I know. I just...it used ta be like...

SAM pauses.

 **SAM  
** I just wish I could save playas like I used to.

 **DEAN  
** What, you mean when you was all hopped up on demon blood?

 **SAM  
** I didn't say that.

 **ELLEN  
** I be bout ta be back.

DEAN n' SAM look up; her big-ass booty standin up in front of dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **DEAN  
** Where you going?

 **ELLEN  
** I can't sit here on mah ass. My fuckin daughterz up there somewhere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I aint back up in half a hour, go. Git these playas outta here.

SAM n' DEAN stand up.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, wait. I be bout ta go wit you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Whoa, hold on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Can I rap ta you fo' a second?

DEAN n' SAM leave tha room; there be a a thugged-out devilz trap n' salt line at dis door like a muthafucka.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass is gonna go up there again?

 **SAM  
** Well, crap don't hit tha hustla wit fruity-ass malt liquor breaks.

 **DEAN  
** I be bout ta go.

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but fine. Just stay here, git 'em ready. I be bout ta cover Ellen.

 **DEAN  
** Whyz it gots ta be yo slick ass?

 **SAM  
** Oh, thatz right, I forgot. Yo ass be thinkin I be bout ta take one peep a thugged-out demon n' suddenly fall off tha wagon, as if, afta every last muthafuckin thang, I aint hustled mah lesson.

 **DEAN  
** Well, have yo slick ass?

SAM slams DEAN tha fuck into tha wall. Da door is still open; ELLEN looks over.

 **SAM  
** If you straight-up be thinkin I—

SAM cuts his dirty ass off fo' realz. A long pause. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM goes back up in tha room.

**_OUTSIDE_ **

_EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET – DAY_

Da sprinkla is still going. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' ELLEN strutt past tha tan car.

 **SAM  
** So where'd you peep her last?

 **ELLEN  
** Up ahead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! So what tha fuck up wit you n' Dean?

SAM looks over, then back.

 **ELLEN  
** Dat shiznit was hard not ta notice, how tha fuck different thangs is between you muthafuckas these days.

SAM stays silent.

 **ELLEN  
** Lot of shitty road there, huh, biatch? What happened, biatch? Some hoe come between you or something?

 **SAM  
** Just—stressez of tha thang. Yo ass know how tha fuck it is. Kind of surprised, you n' Jo hunting. Weren't you always sayin dat thugged-out biiiatch couldn't hack tha game?

 **ELLEN  
** Bitch can't. But if she gonna do it anyway—

 **SAM  
** Yo ass wanna keep a eye on her muthafuckin ass.

SAM looks down tha street; smoke rises from behind trees.

 **SAM  
** Hey.

SAM points.

 **ELLEN  
** Is dat a cold-ass lil chimney going?

 **SAM  
** Looks like dat shit. Come on.

SAM n' ELLEN approach a doggy den wit smoke comin from tha chimney. They hide behind another buildin n' peer round tha corner; visible inside tha doggy den be a funky-ass black-eyed DEMON.

 **ELLEN  
** Guess we found base camp.

 **SAM  
** Demons don't git cold. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Makes you wonder what tha fuck they burning.

SAM starts round tha corner n' shit. ELLEN is grabbed from behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM whirls n' slams his wild lil' freakadelic glock tha fuck into a funky-ass black-eyed DEMON fo' realz. Another DEMON pins ELLEN ta tha wall wit another gun.

 **JO  
** Don't move, you evil skank!

Da DEMON gets SAMz glock n' starts whackin his ass wit dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM slams his ass tha fuck into tha wall. Da other DEMON lets go of ELLEN ta come help. JO presses ELLEN ta tha wall wit her own gun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. JOz eyes go black.

 **ELLEN  
** Don't you hurt her, don't you—

 **JO  
** Give me mah momma back, you black-eyed biiiatch!

ELLEN shoves JO off n' slams her wit tha glock butt.

 **SAM  
** Ellen! Run!

SAM cocks tha shotgun n' is hit from behind n' knocked ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! ELLEN takes off while JO gets ta her Nikes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM stares up all up in tha freshly smoked up attacker n' shit. It aint nuthin but RUFUS, black-eyed.

 **RUFUS  
** Got you now, you bastard.


	4. Chapter 4

**_BASE CAMP_ **

_INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY_

A fire burns up in a gangbangin' fireplace. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Someone is tied ta a cold-ass lil chair up in front of tha fireplace; itz SAM, just wakin up n' yankin all up in tha ropes. RUFUS n' JO, both black-eyed, is lookin at him; JO is carryin a gallon jug of water.

 **RUFUS  
** Uh-uh. No way you gettin outta them. Did yo dirty ass up mah dirty ass. Yo ass is stuck right where I want you, you evil lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch.

RUFUS backhandz SAM. JO splashes his ass up in tha grill wit tha water, then looks at him, confused. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! RUFUS grabs SAMz neck, forcin his head back.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, wait, wait, wait.

JO puts down tha jug n' goes round ta hold SAMz head back.

 **SAM  
** Just, just wait.

RUFUS pours salt on SAMz grill n' tha fuck into his crazy-ass grill.

 **RUFUS  
** Exorcisamus te, exorcisamus te, omnis satanica—

 **SAM  
** Stop!

 **RUFUS  
** —omnis immundum—

 **SAM  
** Please!

**_CHURCH_ **

_INT. CHURCH BASEMENT – DAY_

DEAN paces. Da PASTOR sits all up in tha table wit tha OLDER WOMAN, tha SHORT-HAIRED MAN, n' tha YOUNG WOMAN. Da PREGNANT WOMAN lies on a cold-ass lil cot n' tha YOUNG MAN sits next ta her n' shiznit fo' realz. AUSTIN standz near dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **PASTOR  
** Da Lord is mah shepherd; I shall not want yo. Dude layeth me down up in chronic pastures, n' he raiseth me up again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yea, though I strutt all up in tha valley of tha shadow of dirtnap, I shall fear no evil.

Yo, one of mah thugs poundz on tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Everyone startles. DEAN opens tha peephole, moves whatz blockin tha door, n' opens tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. ELLEN comes in, ridin' solo.

 **DEAN  
** Wherez Sam?

ELLEN shakes her head n' sits down next ta tha YOUNG WOMAN, whoz ass passes her a funky-ass forty of water.

 **PREGNANT WOMAN  
** They took him, biatch? Demons took him, biatch? Oh mah god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! What if they up in here, biatch? Da demons?

 **PASTOR  
** Could they git in?

 **DEAN  
** No.

DEAN grabs a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shotgun n' headz fo' tha door.

 **DEAN  
** All Y'all sit tight. I gots to—

DEAN stops wit his hand on tha doorknob n' looks back; he grimaces n' comes back ta tha table where a thugged-out dozen playas is dependin on his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, we need ta git a plan together n' shit. Tell me every last muthafuckin thang.

**_BASE CAMP_ **

_INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY_

JO continues ta hold SAMz head while RUFUS pours salt on his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Please biaaatch! Come on!

 **RUFUS  
** —omnis immundus—

Nothingz happening, so RUFUS stops. JO lets go of SAM ta go pick up tha wata jug.

 **SAM  
** Look! Somethingz not right son! Do you peep that?

JO splashes SAM up in tha face. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM spits up a grillful of water.

 **SAM  
** Come on! Stop! Listen ta me!

JO is blockin SAMz line of sight ta tha open door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. When JO goes ta grab suttin' else, SAM sees ROGER just outside tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. ROGER turns tha rang on his bangin right hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM looks round n' up: da perved-out muthafucka chillin directly under a elaborate devilz trap.

 **SAM  
** Listen!

JO n' RUFUS huddle up in tha corner.

 **JO  
** Why aint it working?

 **RUFUS  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck.

RUFUS looks over his shoulder at SAM, whoz ass is black-eyed.

 **SAM  
** Look, dig me, somethingz not right!

 **RUFUS  
** But he not as phat as tha pimpin' muthafucka be thinkin he is.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass can peep dis shit. Please. Please. Just dig mah dirty ass.

**_CHURCH_ **

_INT. CHURCH BASEMENT – DAY_

DEAN sits all up in tha table wit ELLEN.

 **ELLEN  
** Dean, one of themz up in Jo. We gots ta git it up without hurtin her muthafuckin ass.

ELLEN snorts.

 **ELLEN  
** It called mah crazy ass a funky-ass biiiatch.

 **DEAN  
** Bruise a lil easy as fuck , don't you think?

 **ELLEN  
** Fuck dat shit, thatz not what tha fuck I meant. Well shiiiit, it called mah crazy ass a funky-ass black-eyed biiiatch.

DEAN considaz this.

 **ELLEN  
** What kind of demons is these, biatch? Holy wata n' salt roll right off. My fuckin daughta may be a idiot yo, but she not fuckin wack. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch wears a anti-possession charm. It aint nuthin but all kind of weird, right?

 **DEAN  
** Da whole thangz off.

 **ELLEN  
** Whatz yo' instinct?

 **DEAN  
** My fuckin instinct, biatch? My fuckin instinct is ta booty-call Bobby n' ask fo' help. Or Sam.

 **ELLEN  
** Well, tough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce fo' realz. All you gotz me, n' all I gotz you, biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So letz figure it out.

 **DEAN  
** All right.

ELLEN smiles.

 **DEAN  
** Do you know why Rufus came ta town, biatch? Was there a specific omen?

 **ELLEN  
** Dude holla'd suttin' bout gin n juice n' shit. Thatz all I know.

 **DEAN  
** Padré, you know what tha fuck she poppin' off about—the water?

DEAN turns ta tha PASTOR.

 **PASTOR  
** Da river n' shit. Ran polluted all of a sudden.

 **DEAN  
** When?

 **AUSTIN  
** Last Wednesday. It make me wanna hollar playa! And tha demon thang started up tha next day.

 **DEAN  
** Anythang else, biatch? Anything.

 **AUSTIN  
** Maybe yo, but itz pretty random.

 **DEAN  
** Good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Randomz good.

 **AUSTIN  
** Shootin star—does dat count?

DEAN n' ELLEN peep each other.

 **AUSTIN  
** Real big. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Same night. Wednesday.

 **DEAN  
** That definitely counts.

DEAN standz up n' goes ta tha bookshelf yo. Dude brangs a Bizzle back ta tha table n' searches all up in dat shit.

 **AUSTIN  
** So, uh, you be thinkin dat all dis be reppin outa space?

 **DEAN  
** This aint  _X-Filez_ , pal.

DEAN findz tha passage da thug wants n' readz it aloud.

 **DEAN  
** "And there fell tha fuck a pimped out star from heaven, burnin like a torch, n' it fell tha fuck upon tha river, n' tha name of tha star was Wormwood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! And nuff pimps died."

 **PASTOR  
** Revelation eight ten. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Is you sayin dat dis be bout tha apocalypse?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass could say fo' realz. And these specific omens, they prelude ta what?

 **PASTOR  
** Da Four Horsemen.

 **DEAN  
** And which one rides tha red horse?

 **PASTOR  
** War.

 **DEAN  
** That cherry Mustang parked on Main.

ELLEN nods.

 **PASTOR  
** Yo ass can't be thinkin dat a cold-ass lil car—

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but tha way I'd roll. I mean, be thinkin bout dat shit. Well shiiiit, it all make sense. If Battle be a thugged-out dude n' dat schmoooove muthafucka here, maybe he messin wit our heads.

 **ELLEN  
** Turnin our asses on each other.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass holla'd Jo called you a funky-ass black-eyed biiiatch. They be thinkin our phat asses demons, we be thinkin they demons. What if there be no demons at all n' we all just cappin' each other?

 **PASTOR  
** Wait, just back up. It aint nuthin but tha apocalypse?

 **DEAN  
** Sorry, Padré.

Da PASTOR blinks nuff muthafuckin times.

**_BASE CAMP_ **

_INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY_

SAM is ridin' solo up in tha room, still tied ta tha chair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. ROGER comes in.

 **SAM  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck tha hell is yo slick ass?

ROGER takes off his wild lil' freakadelic glasses.

 **SAM  
** What is yo slick ass?

 **'ROGER'  
** Yo ass caught mah dirty ass. Popped up in ta watch. I can hustle like dat n' like dis n' like dat y'all.

 **SAM  
** So, tha Roger mah playas round here knows, tha real Roger?

 **'ROGER'  
** Buried up in a gangbangin' finger-lickin' ditch.

SAM rolls his wild lil' fuckin eyes n' nods. 'ROGER' closes tha door, moves another chair, n' sits down.

 **SAM  
** So whoz ass is yo slick ass?

 **'ROGER'  
** Herez a hint. I was up in Germany. Then up in Germany. Then up in tha Middle East. I was up in Darfur when mah beeper went off. I be waitin ta hook up wit mah siblings. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I gots three. We goin ta have so much funk together.

SAM nods, realizin what tha fuck DEAN just did: dis is one of tha Four Horsemen, WAR.

 **SAM  
** I know whoz ass yo ass is. There aint no damn demons up in town, is there?

 **WAR  
** Nope. Just frightened playas rippin each otherz throats out. I straight-up aint had ta do too much. Take up a funky-ass bridge here, lay up in a lil hallucination there, sit back, pop some corn, peep tha show. Frankly, you straight-up vicious lil muthafuckas, Sam.

 **SAM  
** No. Yo ass is bustin this.

 **WAR  
** Please. Last week, dis was Mayberry. Now these playas is stabbin each otherz lil' thugs.

 **SAM  
** 'Cause you made dem peep demons!

 **WAR  
** Honestly, playas don't need a reason ta bust a cap up in each other n' shit. I mean, you peeped tha Irish, biatch? They're all Irish.

SAM rolls his wild lil' fuckin eyes.

 **WAR  
** Yo ass be thinkin I be a monsta n' shit. I be jello shots at a party. I just remove inhibitions.

 **SAM  
** I'ma bust a cap up in you mah dirty ass.

WAR laughs.

 **WAR  
** Oh, thatz adorable, thankin bout you mah posta boy.

 **SAM  
** Whatz dat supposed ta mean?

 **WAR  
** Yo ass can't stop thankin bout it, eva since you saw it drippin off tha blade of dat knife.

SAM is breathang hard.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is wrong.

 **WAR  
** Save yo' protests fo' yo' brutha n' shit. I can peep inside yo' head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And dude, it is one-track hood up in there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Blood, blood, blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Lust fo' juice n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Same as always. Yo ass wanna be phat again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But not just strong. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stronger than everybody. Dope intentions—quick slide ta hell, dawg boy. Yo ass feel shitty now, biatch? Wait till you thigh deep up in warm corpses. Because, mah playa, I be just gettin started.

WAR standz up n' puts his wild lil' freakadelic glasses back on.

 **WAR  
** Showtime fo' tha meatsuits, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Watch this.

WAR twists his bangin ring. Blood flows down his wild lil' forehead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude kicks over his chair, drops ta tha floor, n' screams. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. RUFUS kicks tha door open, JO right behind his muthafuckin ass. WAR looks up at dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **WAR  
** Dude did dat shiznit son!

 **SAM  
** No!

To RUFUS, SAM appears black-eyed.

 **WAR  
** Dude holla'd they coming! Dude holla'd they comin ta git us!

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, stop! Jo, Rufus, he lying! No!

 **RUFUS  
** Yo ass shut yo' grill!

 **SAM  
** Please biaaatch! Jo! Dat punk lying!

RUFUS backhandz SAM.

**_CHURCH_ **

_INT. CHURCH BASEMENT – DAY_

**AUSTIN  
** So now you sayin dat there be no demons n' war be a muthafucka.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass believed wild-ass before.

Yo, one of mah thugs hammers on tha door.

 **WAR  
** Open up! It aint nuthin but Roger!

AUSTIN checks tha peephole n' lets WAR in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat punk breathang hard, as if his thugged-out lil' punk-ass been hustlin.

 **WAR  
** I saw them, tha demons. They know we tryin ta muthafuckin bounce. They holla'd they gonna pick our asses off one by one.

 **DEAN  
** Wait wait wait. What?

 **AUSTIN  
** I thought you holla'd there was no demons.

 **DEAN  
** Therez not. Where did you go?

 **WAR  
** I thought one of mah thugs should go up n' peep what tha fuck be happenin!

 **DEAN  
** Where did you peep tha demons n' what tha fuck did they say exactly?

 **AUSTIN  
** Us playas just sit here, we goin ta be dead as fuckin fried chicken.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, we not!

 **WAR  
** They're gonna bust a cap up in our asses unless we bust a cap up in dem first.

 **DEAN  
** Hold on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Hold on.

 **AUSTIN  
** Fuck dat shit, dude, we gots playas ta protect fo' realz. All right, tha able-bodied go hunt some demons.

AUSTIN picks up a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shotgun n' handz it ta tha YOUNG MAN.

 **DEAN  
** Whoa whoa whoa. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Slow yo' roll. This aint a thugged-out demon thang.

WAR holdz up his bangin right hand n' twists his bangin ring, then points ta DEAN n' ELLEN.

 **WAR  
** Look at they eyes muthafucka! They're demons!

DEAN n' ELLEN step tha fuck up black-eyed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da PREGNANT WOMAN gasps. Da PASTOR raises a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shotgun.

 **DEAN  
** Go, go!

ELLEN n' DEAN turn n' run. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. AUSTIN blasts tha shotgun, hittin tha door.

 **DEAN  
** Move!

WAR watches, triumphant.


	5. Chapter 5

**_CHURCH_ **

_INT. CHURCH BASEMENT – DAY_

Yo, one of mah thugs loadz salt canistas tha fuck into a funky-ass backpack fo' realz. AUSTIN loadz a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shotgun.

 **WAR  
** Those is real.

 **AUSTIN  
** Those two could done been demons tha entire time fo' realz. All dis salt n' holy wata talk—as far as I be concerned, itz all crap.

 **WAR  
** Is you sure?

 **AUSTIN  
** It aint nuthin but dem or us.

 **WAR  
** I be thinkin I saw some knives up in tha kitchen.

 **AUSTIN  
** Great. Go.

AUSTIN finishes assemblin tha gun.

**_BASE CAMP_ **

_INT. FRONT ROOM – DAY_

RUFUS tizzles a wire round tha latch on a cold-ass lil closed window. JO holdz two bombs.

 **JO  
** Yo, Rufus.

 **RUFUS  
** Yeah.

 **JO  
** Pipe bombs won't bust a cap up in a thugged-out demon.

RUFUS checks tha wire; itz attached ta another bomb.

 **RUFUS  
** Right. But up in mah experience, demons come at you slower if they up in a funky-ass body wit no limbs.

RUFUS closes tha curtains.

 **JO  
** One of dem is up in mah mother.

RUFUS turns ta her muthafuckin ass.

 **RUFUS  
** Jo, dig mah dirty ass. Yo ass know I'ma do every last muthafuckin thang I can. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo crazy-ass momz gonna be aiiight.

JO nods.

 **JO  
** Unless dat thugged-out biiiatch comes all up in dat window.

RUFUS holdz up a hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! JO gives his ass tha next bomb.

**_FIGHT_ **

_EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET – DAY_

Da church door opens fo' realz. AUSTIN comes out, scans tha area, n' holdz tha door open.

 **AUSTIN  
** All right, letz move.

Da YOUNG MAN, tha YOUNG WOMAN, n' WAR follow AUSTIN fo' realz. All four is holdin shotguns.

_INT fo' realz. ANOTHER ROOM – DAY_

JO n' RUFUS load shotguns fo' realz. An explosion; JO n' RUFUS duck. They peep each other, then locked n loaded glocks ta go gotz a look. Da FRONT ROOM is devastated n' empty. RUFUS peers all up in tha windows. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Someone grabs RUFUS n' pulls his ass all up in tha window.

 **JO  
** Rufus!

Yo, one of mah thugs grabs JO from behind.

_EXT. PORCH – DAY_

RUFUS comes all up in tha window; DEAN slams his ass ta tha ground.

_INT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

JO n' ELLEN fight. ELLEN appears black-eyed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! ELLEN pins JO ta tha wall.

 **ELLEN  
** Now you listen up, Joanna Beth Harvelle.

_EXT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

DEAN hauls RUFUS up n' slams his ass against tha wall. DEAn appears black-eyed.

 **DEAN  
** Listen ta mah dirty ass. I aint a thugged-out demon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Think, Rufus fo' realz. All dem omens.

 **RUFUS  
** Yo ass git all up in hell.

RUFUS kicks DEAN up in tha crotch, then hits his ass up in tha chest n' face. RUFUS lunges fo' his fuckin lil' dropped glock n' DEAN hauls his ass away, pushin his ass back against tha wall.

 **DEAN  
** Rufus muthafucka! Da polluted water, tha blastin star, tha red Mustang—itz War. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I be spittin some lyrics ta you, itz War.

 **RUFUS  
** Yo ass is damn right it is.

RUFUS punches DEAN up in tha grill n' goes fo' tha gun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. DEAN tacklez his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Da Horseman!

 **RUFUS  
** Horseman?

 **DEAN  
** Yes yes y'all. Dat punk turnin our asses against each other n' shit. Yo ass is hallucinating.

RUFUS stares up at DEAN. Da black fades from DEANz eyes.

 **RUFUS  
** Da Horseman. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. War.

 **DEAN  
** Yes yes y'all.

RUFUS looks ta each side.

 **RUFUS  
** Did yo dirty ass figure dis up all by yo ass, smart-ass ?

_EXT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

AUSTIN leadz tha charge ta a cold-ass lil car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Everyone takes cover behind dat shit.

_INT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

DEAN n' RUFUS burst inside. ELLEN turns n' levels a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shotgun.

 **DEAN  
** Whoa, whoa!

 **ELLEN  
** We all on tha same page?

DEAN n' RUFUS peep each other n' nod.

 **RUFUS  
** Good.

 **DEAN  
** Yea muthafucka, Jo.

 **JO  
** Hey.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, we gots ta find Battle before dem hoes up in dis hood kills each—

Gunshots, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Everyone ducks.

_EXT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

AUSTIN fires tha rifle all up in tha house.

_INT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

**DEAN  
** Damn dat shiznit son! Wherez Sam?

 **RUFUS  
** Upstairs.

ELLEN gives JO tha shotgun.

 **ELLEN  
** Take this.

DEAN rushes up in one erection, ELLEN another.

_EXT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

AUSTIN is down behind tha car, huddlin wit tha others.

 **AUSTIN  
** All right, you three go round back. Take tha alley.

_INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY_

SAM is ridin' solo. Da door opens: itz DEAN.

 **SAM  
** Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It aint nuthin but not demons.

SAM n' DEAN drop a rhyme up in unison.

 **SAM n' DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but War.

 **DEAN  
** I just can't git into how tha fuck da ruffneck bustin dat shit.

DEAN cuts SAM free.

 **SAM  
** Da ring.

 **DEAN  
** Da ring. Da ring—thatz right yo. Dude turned it right before he made dem hoes hallucinizzle n' go hellbitch.

 **SAM  
** Right.

 **DEAN  
** We gots ta move. Come on.

 _EXT yo. HOUSE – DAY_  alternatin wit  _INT. UPPER ROOM – DAY_

AUSTIN exchanges bullets wit ANOTHER YOUNG MAN up in a upper window of tha house. Da OLDER WOMAN crosses her muthafuckin ass n' foldz her hands. Da SHAGGY-HAIRED MAN hurries along behind a gangbangin' fence. Da YOUNG MAN peers round a cold-ass lil corner n' shiznit fo' realz. ANOTHER MAN blasts at him; he pulls back, keepin tha PREGNANT WOMAN behind his muthafuckin ass. Da SHAGGY-HAIRED MAN n' tha OTHER MAN exchange fire.

 **RUFUS  
** People, cease fire!

RUFUS is behind tha OTHER MAN.

 **RUFUS  
** Quit blasting! Stop!

RUFUS takes tha glock from tha OTHER MAN n' slams his ass up in tha head wit dat shit.

 **RUFUS  
** I be gettin too oldschool fo' this.

Da OTHER YOUNG MAN aims up tha window all up in tha PASTOR n' tha YOUNG WOMAN, whoz ass run ta shelta behind a traila n' shit. Da PASTOR comes up n' tha OTHER YOUNG MAN fires. Da cap goes straight all up in tha PASTOR, whoz ass falls.

 **YOUNG WOMAN  
** Father!

Da YOUNG WOMAN runs up ta tha PASTOR, sobbing. Da OTHER YOUNG MAN fires again n' again n' again n' misses, then aims mo' carefully. ELLEN approaches, pressin suttin' ta tha PASTORz wound. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da YOUNG WOMAN looks up.

 **ELLEN  
** I aint what tha fuck you think, honey. Come on, keep dis right here.

_INT. UPPER ROOM – DAY_

RUFUS comes up behind tha OTHER YOUNG MAN, takin his wild lil' freakadelic gun.

 **RUFUS  
** 'Quit firing' probably means 'stop firing'.

RUFUS leaves.

_EXT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

AUSTIN grabs ELLEN n' throws her down, aimin at her face. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch appears black-eyed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude pulls tha trigger: outta bullets, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. ELLEN grabs tha gun; AUSTIN pulls a knife. Both drop tha glock up in favor of strugglin over tha knife.

_EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET – DAY_

WAR strutts up ta tha red Mustang yo. Dude looks back over his shoulder n' sees not a god damn thang yo. Dude reaches fo' tha door n' DEAN n' SAM grab his muthafuckin ass. WAR laughs.

_EXT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

AUSTIN n' ELLEN is evenly matched.

_EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET – DAY_

DEAN holdz on ta WAR. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM draws Rubyz knife.

 **WAR  
** Whoa. Okay. Thatz a thugged-out dope lil knife. But come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass can't bust a cap up in war, kiddos.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, we know.

SAM slams WARz right hand against tha Mustang n' cuts all four fingers off. Da rang clinks on tha pavement.

_EXT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

AUSTIN calms down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. ELLEN, whoz ass no longer appears black-eyed, eases his ass off of her muthafuckin ass.

_INT. UPPER ROOM – DAY_

Da OTHER YOUNG MAN puts his head up in his hands.

_INT yo. HOUSE – DAY_

RUFUS comes down tha stairs n' nodz at JO.

_EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET – DAY_

DEAN leans down n' picks up tha ring. WAR n' tha red Mustang is gone; SAM n' DEAN look fo' dem wild-ass muthafuckas.


	6. Chapter 6

_EXT. MOUNTAIN REST AREA – DAY_

DEAN n' SAM sit at a picnic table. DEAN holdz up tha ring.

 **DEAN  
** So, pit stop at Mount Doom?

SAM is silent, pensive.

 **SAM  
** Dean—

 **DEAN  
** Sam, letz not.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This is blingin. I know you don't trust mah dirty ass.

DEAN looks away.

 **SAM  
** Just, now I realize something. I don't trust me either.

DEAN looks up.

 **SAM  
** From tha minute I saw dat blood, only thought up in mah head...and I tell mah dirty ass itz fo' tha right reasons, mah intentions is good, n' it, it feels true, you know, biatch? But I think, underneath...I just miss tha feeling. I know how tha fuck messed up dat sounds, which means I know how tha fuck messed up I am. Thin is, tha problemz not tha demon blood, not straight-up. I mean, I, what tha fuck I did, I can't blame tha blood or Ruby or...anything. Da problemz mah dirty ass yo. How tha fuck far I be bout ta go. Therez suttin' up in me that...scares tha hell outta me, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. In tha last couple days, I caught another glimpse...

 **DEAN  
** So what tha fuck is you saying?

 **SAM  
** I be up in no shape ta be hunting. I need ta step back, 'cause I be dangerous. Maybe itz dopest our laid-back asses just...go our separate ways.

DEAN considaz this.

 **DEAN  
** Well, I be thinkin you right.

 **SAM  
** I was expectin a gangbangin' fight.

 **DEAN  
** Da truth is I spend mo' time worryin bout you than bout bustin tha thang right fo' realz. And I just, I can't afford that, you know, biatch? Not now, nahmeean?

SAM nods.

 **SAM  
** I be sorry, Dean.

 **DEAN  
** I know yo ass is, Sam.

SAM moves ta stand up.

 **DEAN  
** Yo, do you, uh, wanna take tha Impala?

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but all gravy.

SAM standz up, takes all dem steps, n' turns back.

 **SAM  
** Take care of yo ass, Dean.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, you too, Sammy.

SAM strutts ta tha Impala, grabs his backpack outta tha back seat, n' strutts over ta tha pickup truck parked nearby yo. Dude say suttin' inaudible ta tha driver n' gets up in tha passenger side. Da truck drives off. DEAN watches it go.

 


End file.
